My Birthday

I never thought Birthdays were great... maybe never into all those kinds of "hey surprise, happy birthday" thing. Ehh...then again... I have to quickly contradict myself at this point though... There are 2 birthday memories coming into my mind at this moment, as I am writing. The first when I was about 12 years, family was into a relative poverty kind of situation thing. Yet my parents gave me some $ to treat my friends with some KFC. I vaguely remember brother was there too... Not sure why I remember this memory... has to do a Freudian thing to unearth some past issues... real dark issues or maybe some unresolved guilt that I spent those precious $ on some battered chickens.

Then there was that birthday, which happened last year. The CDC little girls surprised me with a birthday cake. Can't really remember the details but that was a good feeling. I remember that it was a choc cake. Kind of nice that they did it... hmmm... really cannot remember exactly what happened... maybe there are some PTSD thing involved with that birthday episode that I am still blocking my cognition from reliving those traumatic memories.

This birthday.... full of anger. My work is never all so happy-happy; hence it is ok I accept it. Then some of the bday wishes I got simply triggered me!!! First of all, the CDC girls except the only innocent one, Amelia & Jeanette who is up North (if not she is likely to join in) seemed to be waiting for this day to happen. So happily in the morning, smelly Fish Head messaged:" Hey, Happy Birthday! You're old now. So old. Ha... Stay childish and annoying". Fair... I can take it like a man. Then, like some coordinated assault, Jo went:"HAPPY BIRTHDAY old man!".

Any recent illusion of me being young because of the presence of my zits (from work stress), was simply blew off like the flame on the birthday candles. Then Miss Jo with her (un)consciousness, "hahaha... Still young at heart right....Uncle..." Before that, I messaged Fish Head:"Shut up! I m not old! I was simply born earlier" and that smelly Fish Head replied:" Er ya. Very much earlier". With all those callous assaults on me, Miss Jo made it looked as if I was the fault by ending her 'well-intended' bday greetings by messaging, "...have a good day! Dont be so grouchy la...Monday morning. birthday leh..."

By then, I wanted to smash the phone at the computer screen. Yeah, it was Monday morning. For a start, I was not having any blues knowing that it was going to be a heavy work day... I was grouchy because of the whole emphasis on the 'age thing'. Blood oozing out of my mouth as I am typing...

Later in the day, I went to a neighbourhood near my place to do some work so I kind of got to go home without being caught among the tussle of the traffic. For once, I thought Birthday guy does have something good happening to him. Then, like she knew I was happy for once today, Miss Cheng wasted her $ to message me this:"Yo lao pei pei! Happy 99th bdae Hahaha....." Hmmm.... Sometimes, I suspect (being paranoid here) they have got some kind of satelite up there just to rub it in on me.

Got home... went Internet; Facebook. "Happy **th Birthday..." from Hayati. Thanks Hayati... my facebook does not only have 1 friend - Miss Hayati. I got many many many friends. Had dinner at home, cos' not someone who wants to celebrate my birthday. Parents got me a cake.. well thanks... though I kind of suspected it was dad's scheme to load himself with more sugar. The blockbuster part was when my mother exclaimed to me:"I got you a pink coloured cake... so nice hor." Ok... not fighting for popularity... but mum... PINK IS YOUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW'S COLOUR!!! NOT MINE!!! ARE YOU BUYING A CAKE FOR MY WIFE OR FOR ME??? Never mind...composed myself... before I could zen out reminding myself that I never bother about bday things... my dearest wife was happily covering the cake with candles while I politely told her that I was not that old after all...like she cares about my feelings.

Well... today is my bday... Again, not that I am bothered that it is my bday cos' I am never into celebrating it. Somehow... it has become my bday cos' I am feeling that I have become an object for mockery with 'age' being the theme.

Anyway...breath in - breath out. For every grey skies, there is a silver lining. The glass is half full or half empty depending on how one sees it... There have been WELL-INTENDED greetings after all. Always great to receive those greetings since they are from friends who I hardly get to meet nowadays due to our various commitments.

..... a great day.